martinlivings | Tuesday's Ten Minute Tale

Okay, here we go. Thanks to

amandapillar for "kidneys" and

fred_mouse for "seaweed". No third word, sorry, I waited too long as it was. :)

"Scammin'"
(c) Martin Livings 26-8-2008

I woke up in a bathtub of ice water with one of my kidneys missing.

I knew I shouldn't have trusted that email. It claimed to be from a member of the Nigerian royal family, and said they had eighty million dollars in a bank account, and if I could help out I could have ten percent for myself. Well, I thought, eight million dollars is nothing to be sneezed at. They needed money for a bribe to the bank official, which I wired to them straight away. Then another, for that official's boss. Soon I was out of pocket twenty grand, but hey, a drop in the ocean in comparison to the eight mill, n'est pas?

Then I got the good news. I could come and sign the paperwork, and the money would be released. I was on the first plane over.

I met with Mboto at the airport. He seemed really nice and genuine. We signed the paperwork, I gave them the release fee of fifty thousand dollars, then we went to a local sushi and sake bar to celebrate our imminent prosperity. I didn't enjoy the sushi that much, not being into raw fish and seaweed, but the sake went down a treat.

I woke up in a bathtub of ice water with one of my kidneys missing.

I knew then that I'd been had. I was down almost a hundred grand, plus my credit cards and passport had been stolen.

And, y'know, my goddamn kidney.

I managed to get another credit card sent to me, and hired a local private investigator. He told me he'd heard of Mboto and his friends, and promised to help me get my money - and my organ - back. I paid him fifty thousand dollars. Two days later, he arranged to meet me in a bar, to tell me what he'd discovered. He bought me a drink.

I woke up the next morning in a cheap hotel room a hundred miles away. My wallet and new credit card was missing. So was my left eye.

Another phone call to my credit card company. Another card couriered to me. This time I went to the police, as I probably should have in the first place. They took me to their cafeteria to interview me. Gave me a cup of coffee.

No, seriously, this really happened. How do you think I lost my arm and leg? Please, you have to help me. I need to call my credit card company. I need another card. I need to get home.

Hmm?

Oh, yes, thank you, I'd love a glass of water...